Suffering love, in my story, did not begin with open conflict but with a quiet, unspoken tension that lingered for years.
Everyone knew my brother was gay; nothing was hidden, yet nothing was fully named. We loved him completely, and he remained present in parish life, even while aware of how some perceived him.
When he married, and members of the Church we loved—some who even attended the wedding—caused harm, the wound felt irreparable. The pain was not only in what was said and done, but in the loss of a community that had once felt like home.
Scripture gives language for this kind of grief: “It is not an enemy who taunts me… but it is you, my companion” (Psalm 55:12–13, NLT).
Yet the suffering clarified something.
While certain relationships fell away and revealed themselves as conditional, the deeper loss was the church community as a whole – the place that had shaped our faith and sense of belonging. In that unraveling, we also discovered a steadier truth: family is not negotiable.
Like Ruth standing beside Naomi, saying, “Where you go, I will go” (Ruth 1:16, NLT), we chose to remain with my brother without shame or hesitation.
What was meant to fracture us instead refined us. We learned that steadfast love sometimes means letting go of a community that cannot love well, in order to remain faithful to one another.
Our oldest son is gay and we are lucky are Pastor and the music ministry (he occasionally sings in the choir) but we also experienced unfortunate losses of “friends”. Thank you for sharing this – it happens to too many of us.