Scripture:
Reflection:
One of the most challenging things Jesus ever said was “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” I’ve struggled with that all my life, and mightily so these past few years, as I pray, cry, and work to forgive someone who hurt me more deeply than anyone ever had. Our natural inclination is to make them grovel, to get revenge, punish them, and see them suffer. Yet I’ve learned that such desires only trap us, not the other. It chains us to the past and causes repeated re-triggering.
And that’s not God’s way. With God, no one “earns” forgiveness. God truly sees me, down to the depths of my woundedness, insecurities, and immaturity that cause me to sin in the first place. God understands me, longs for my healing, and, like Jesus in his practice of forgiveness, healing, and acceptance, wants to bring me back to Godself. God forgives because that’s who God is.
Forgiveness doesn’t preclude the work of justice. Perpetrators must be held accountable and, when crimes are committed, sent to prison or stripped of privileges. They must make restitution if possible. Yet, forgiveness can still be granted them by those who were victimized.
True forgiveness is rarely if ever instantaneous, and for more significant offenses, requires a lengthy process of work, therapy, and prayer. It involves lots of forward-backward-sideways-roundabout movements. It’s also not once-and-done and needs to be affirmed and re-chosen repeatedly. I’ve been engaging this process, because I want to be so uninvested in holding grudges, betrayals, and pain that I can forgive even this. I want to have such compassion for him and his wounds that I no longer desire his suffering or hold ill will but can instead release him to God who knows and loves him far more than I can imagine. After all, underneath it, he, too, is created in the image and likeness of God. He’s not a monster; he’s a very flawed human acting out of his unhealed hurts. God cries for him, just as God cries for me. God understands him in ways that I never will and is always working to bring him back to Godself. Who am I to stand in the way? Who am I to hold on when I have been forgiven for my own failings, which are so numerous?
I do not have to reconcile with him, nor do I have any plans to do so. Reconciliation is a mutual process requiring much of both parties, and indeed isn’t always wise. You can forgive unilaterally though, with the goal of freeing yourself, regardless of whether they acknowledge wrongs or are remorseful.
Through this work and prayer, I am finally freeing my heart. And yes, it feels like freedom. Forgiveness and letting go open space in my heart, and now light can fill it. I know joy again. I am more open and loving to others. I can live out of who I truly am.
I pray that you may know this freedom. May God continue to lead me and all of us on the “difficult but worth-it” path of true forgiveness.
Amy Florian is a teacher and consultant working in Chicago. For many years she has partnered with the Passionists. Visit Amy’s website: http://www.corgenius.com/.