Scripture:
Genesis 2:18-24
Hebrews 2:9-11
Mark 10:2-16
Reflection:
Several months ago, I heard an interview with a medical doctor who had practiced for decades in his small hometown in Minnesota. The interviewer asked him to describe the challenges of his patients who are in their 80s. His response was, “If you have seen one 80-year-old patient, you have seen one 80-year-old patient. Each one is totally unique.”
After years of practicing therapy with married couples, if I were to describe these clients, I would have to parallel the country doc’s observation: if you have seen one married couple, you have seen one married couple. Each is unique.
Ranking with parenting, marriage is one of the most complex relationship we humans have. To build a lasting, loving marriage, each couple brings their longings, talents, interests, passions, and histories. These are the building materials to construct a household, with or without children, that lasts a lifetime.
But I will risk generalizing by stating that all happy marriages have common threads, even if the threads are woven in one-of-a-kind patterns.
Jesus speaks of an essential thread in today’s Gospel. By telling his disciples that a man or woman who divorces their spouse and marries another commits adultery, he is shaking the social order of his day.
It was assumed in Jewish culture of Jesus’ time that only the man could initiate divorce. Women had no rights. Period. It was a male-dominated culture. Women were inferior. By stating a woman could divorce he was turning one of the pillars of the social order on its head.
Later in today’s Gospel Jesus commits blows up another taboo. He elevates children in such a way that they are models for living in God’s reign. Children, like women, were subordinate to men in Jewish culture of Jesus’ day.
Mutual respect is foundational to all happy marriages. Respect for children is essential in all happy families.
When a husband or wife places their individual wants above anyone else’s in a family, trouble happens.
Mature, happy couples always consider their spouse’s needs first. And children are always to be honored, never shamed, even as good, consistent boundaries are set for them.
What upset the scribes and Pharisees most about Jesus’ teachings was his call for a radical re-ordering of social norms. The Jewish leaders obviously felt so threatened my Jesus’ call for absolute dismantling of the male dominated caste system of First Century Palestine that their fears led them to demand Jesus be eliminated.
During an examination of consciousness, done in quiet, in the presence of God, the Holy Spirit can lead us to an awareness of ways we lord over others, shame others, manipulate others, protect our power positions, and put our own wants and passions before the feelings and worth of others, especially those in our families or religious communities.
Just as each marriage is unique, so also each divorce. Sometimes, despite the sincere desire to live in a happy marriage, the marriage dies. In his Apostolic Exhortation The Joy of Love, Pope Francis understand this. He urges our faith communities not to judge or exclude anyone who is divorced or who is divorced and remarried.
In the complicated private worlds of married couples, the Holy Spirit is present to guide each spouse daily in nurturing their love through the years. It requires, over and over and over, patience, compromises, forgiveness, shedding of grudges, generosity, attentive listening, and endurance. The grace needed to live this way is present if we sincerely request it.
Jim Wayne is a board member of the Passionist Solidarity Network (PSN), and author of The Unfinished Man. He lives in Louisville, Kentucky.